B's Blogs October 22, 2021

Love your inner critic

Today I’d like to chat about a hot topic: How to deal with other people that get under our skin!  This was a consistent theme not only with my clients, but in the circles I invest my time in.  And now I’d like to add a twist to this- and how this impacts our health + wellness.

The good news in all of this is that you are not alone in feeling this way.  You are not the only human getting annoyed by, frustrated with, or stressed out by work place drama and/or the rumination + second guessing that comes from putting your service and/or product out into the marketplace.  I relate to all of this, and get it.  And- I see you as I type this.

Afterall- to be human is to err, and be imperfect. Yet, we are all brought into society and cultural norms that miss telling us this.  If you are like me, and most people I’ve met/worked with over the years….phrases + actions like “we don’t do that around here”, “don’t tell them the truth; you might hurt their feelings”,  “not receiving praise but instead being told you can do better”, “being told that good girls don’t act/or do that”, “being told you are too loud, to calm down” – catch my vibe on where I am going here?  As a result, we aren’t taught the way we are; needs adjusting, tweaking, or fixed.  

Insert a different paradigm:  What if we are all perfectly imperfect?  We are all doing our best, life can be confusing and hard, and we are all connected in this thing called life?  What if we gave others, and ourselves grace + compassion when our knarly critical selves start controlling and rule slaying ourselves + others?  Afterall, we all make mistakes, and when we see ourselves as imperfect; aren’t we  ultimately just judging ourselves when we judge others?

In walks self-compassion: Self-compassion involves acting the same way towards yourself when you are having a difficult time, fail, or notice something you don’t like about yourself. Instead of just ignoring your pain with a “stiff upper lip” mentality, you stop to tell yourself “this is really difficult right now,” how can I comfort and care for myself in this moment?

The practice of self compassion combined with cognitive behavioral techniques, and mixed in with mindful practices will support us in creating objectivity + choice when our external environment triggers us..  Because let’s face it, it doesn’t matter where you work, who you fall in love with, or the people that work for you; you can’t control them or the external world.  Nope; only your perception of it.

I created this chart to illustrate how you can walk yourself through a challenging situation.

Now for the wellness and health spin on this dreary cycle.  When we continue to ruminate, flee, or fight our external triggers internally (chronic stress; even though you don’t necessarily feel this), the immune system creates inflammation to protect the body.  Hormones are constantly releasing our fight or flight hormones (cortisol + adrenaline). This becomes chronic or termed as “long term” inflammation.  Some of the symptoms are: anxiety, depression, constant fatigue + insomnia, GI issues, weight gain & frequent infections.

Maybe you’re having some of these symptoms, and/or you see yourself in the above mental internal loop.  I hope today that you are not alone in feeling this way, and there is a way out of it (both the symptoms of chronic inflammation, as well as, with your internal conversation).

Let me know your thoughts, questions, and / or book a session.  

Stay healthy, well, and vibrant!


I’m launching a 12 month Women’s Wellness + Work program in December.  Space will be limited.  Want to learn more….click here.